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I open with a short, slightly messy story: I grew up in a number-loving household but taught myself how to shop my feelings. At 15 I met clinical depression; at 26 I met ADHD diagnosis in law school. That messy timeline taught me one vital lesson—money and mood are married, whether we like it or not. Inspired by Lisa Miller's The Awakened Brain, I recorded a solo episode to map how spirituality, self-awareness, and tiny money habits can pull us out of a spending spiral.
1) Personal Backdrop: Numbers, Depression, and That Target Run
Money was talked about at home, but mood still ran the show
I grew up in a math-focused family where money was explained, tracked, and discussed. On paper, I had a strong start. But around age 15–16, I began dealing with serious clinical depression. I call the worst stretches my “dark days”, and they tend to hit about once every four years. Depression also runs in my family—my paternal grandfather struggled deeply, but in his time it wasn’t something people named out loud. He self-medicated with smoking and drinking and died of emphysema a few years before I was born.
ADHD, rumination, and the “snowball effect”
I didn’t learn I had ADHD until I was 26–27, in law school. Constitutional law was the breaking point: I could reread the same pages and still not absorb them. That’s when I noticed how my brain gets stuck and loops.
My ADHD brain ruminates and I get stuck—it’s a snowball effect - Jacqueline “Jax” Crider
That rumination doesn’t just affect studying. It can fuel emotional spending, especially when I’m trying to quiet a heavy mood. Over time, I’ve found that self-awareness of triggers has often been more helpful than medicine for long-term coping—because it helps me interrupt the loop before it turns into a spiral.
The Target run and my “8000 purple cups” problem
When I’m low, my brain looks for quick relief. Sometimes that relief looks like a “quick” Target run that turns into a cart full of things I didn’t plan to buy—sometimes even repeat purchases I already own. Exhibit A: my joke about having “8000 purple cups” (I literally keep a couple on my desk).
I am definitely a “frivolous spender” - Jacqueline “Jax” Crider
This is where I have to reassess spending with honesty: not just the total, but the recuring expenses and the “little treats” that add up when my mood is driving.
Why I stayed in mortgage: purpose beats instant wins
Mortgage can be volatile and high-pressure, but it stuck because helping clients buy homes gives me meaning. That career satisfaction kept me motivated even when the money felt uncertain—and it reminded me that financial goals work best when they match real life. For me, that starts by clarify values and measuring progress with a self-worth net that’s bigger than a bank balance.
2) Mental Health Meets Money: How Depression and ADHD Shape Spending
I grew up in a home where money was talked about openly, but I’ve still had to learn the hard way that mental health and money are tied together. I’ve lived with clinical depression since my teens, and I was diagnosed with ADHD later in life. Those two things don’t just affect my mood—they shape my spending patterns, my focus, and how I talk to myself when I feel behind.
Ruminative loops: when my brain replays the problem—and I shop
In The Awakened Brain, Lisa Miller describes a “ruminative philosophy”—that loop where you replay what went wrong. With ADHD, I notice that loop can get louder. I fixate, dissect, and re-check the same thought until it feels like a fact. When I’m in that headspace, buying something can feel like relief. It’s not logical; it’s self-soothing.
That’s why mindful budgeting starts before the spreadsheet. If I’m ruminating, I pause and ask: Am I about to buy a solution to a feeling? That one question helps me reassess spending without shame.
Algorithms + YOLO culture = perfectly timed impulse traps
Depression rates have risen over the last 20–30 years, and I believe lack of fulfillment is a big piece of it. At the same time, we’re swimming in “YOLO” messaging—spend now, feel better now. Add AI-driven ads, and it gets intense. Algorithms learn what you click, when you scroll, and what you buy, then serve “the exact right thing” at the exact right time. That creates dopamine spikes and more unforced errors—like my “Target runs” that turn into hundreds of dollars and duplicates of things I already own (yes, including my purple cups).
The snowball effect: I used to seek proof I was failing
“When something negative happens, my brain latches onto it and searches for evidence—what I call the ‘snowball effect’.” - Jacqueline “Jax” Crider
Now I practice disproof-seeking: I look for evidence that the story isn’t fully true. That interrupts the spending loop and protects my self-worth net—the part of me that isn’t measured by my bank balance.
“Spirituality isn’t always religion—it’s connection beyond yourself.” - Jacqueline “Jax” Crider
For me, that connection (faith, purpose, meaning) supports mood resilience—and when I feel more grounded, I spend less to escape.
3) Spirituality, Fulfillment, and Financial Purpose
Spirituality as a buffer—and a budgeting tool
While reading The Awakened Brain: The Psychology of Spirituality by Lisa Miller, I kept coming back to her core idea: spirituality can help buffer against depression. I’m not a therapist, but I do know what depression can do to decision-making—including money decisions. When my mood drops, my brain looks for relief fast, and spending can feel like an easy switch to flip.
So I started treating spirituality (defined simply as a connection beyond myself) as part of my financial reset. Research and lived experience both point to this: when we redefine financial success to include well-being and legacy, we budget with more care. It’s not just “Can I afford it?” It’s “Does this support the life I’m building?”
My faith is personal, not a prescription
I’ve had painful experiences with organized religion, and I’m not here to tell anyone what to believe. But I do have a strong Christian faith, and the higher-purpose lens has helped me. When I’m tempted to chase a dopamine hit (hello, Target runs and duplicate “purple cups”), I do better when I remember I’m not trying to buy a mood. I’m trying to build a life.
That “higher-purpose” mindset can reduce the frequency of compulsive purchases because it gives my brain a different reward: meaning, not just novelty.
Clarify values first, then set financial goals
Before I get tactical, I try to clarify values. This is the step many of us skip. We jump straight to rules—no fun spending, strict categories, perfect tracking—without asking what we’re aiming for.
“Focus less on ‘how’ and more on ‘who’ you want to be and ‘why’—that’s alignment.” - Jacqueline “Jax” Crider
A simple “who/why” check (especially on dark days)
- Who am I becoming with this purchase?
- Why do I want it—need, joy, or escape?
- Does it move me toward my financial goals or away from them?
From there, I can define legacy in plain language: the people I want to help, the stress I want to reduce, the freedom I want to create. If you work with a holistic adviser, this is the kind of conversation that should come before spreadsheets—because fulfillment, not just income, changes how we spend.
4) Practical Reset: Small Habits That Actually Move Money and Mood
When my mood dips, my spending can spike. That’s why my reset has to be small, repeatable, and kind to my brain. I don’t aim for perfection—I aim for consistency. In 2026 planning, the priorities stay simple: protect the emergency fund, reduce high-interest debt, and build systems that run even on my “dark days.”
Self-awareness is the starting point; then use concrete habits like automate savings - Jacqueline "Jax" Crider
Rebuild the emergency fund + automate savings (consistency beats heroics)
If I’m choosing one “boring” habit that changes everything, it’s this: automate savings. Automatic transfers remove the daily decision-making that can trigger shame or avoidance.
- Emergency fund first: start with a small floor (like $500–$1,000), then build toward 1–3 months of expenses.
- Automate savings: schedule transfers on payday (even $25). Increase it quarterly if you can.
- Automate investing: once the emergency fund is stable, set a recurring transfer so wealth-building happens in the background.
Monthly check-in + track net worth quarterly
I keep my monthly check-in short—15 minutes, one cup of coffee, no drama. I look at: what came in, what went out, and what felt “off.” Then I track net worth once a quarter so I don’t obsess daily.
- Monthly: review spending categories and one goal for next month.
- Quarterly: update assets and debts, then note the trend (up, flat, down).
Quarterly audit of recurring expenses (trim without deprivation)
A quarterly audit is where I find the “Target runs in subscription form.” I cancel duplicates, pause what I’m not using, and keep what truly supports my values.
- List every subscription and bill.
- Cancel or downgrade 1–3 items.
- Negotiate bills (internet, insurance) and ask for promos.
Debt + goals: avalanche and WOOP
For high-interest debt, I use the avalanche method: pay minimums on everything, then throw extra at the highest rate first. For motivation, I use WOOP (Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, Plan) and keep my goal visible—on my phone lock screen or a sticky note near my desk.
5) Self-Awareness Toolkit & Next Steps (Wild Cards Included)
When money meets mood, I have to start with the mental pattern that gets me every time: the snowball effect. One bad moment hits, and my brain starts collecting “proof” that everything is falling apart. I’ve learned to label it in real time—Oh, this is the snowball—and then I practice intentional disproof-seeking. I ask, “What evidence says this isn’t true?” or “What’s one neutral fact I’m ignoring?” It sounds simple, but it’s how I flip the narrative before it turns into a spending spiral.
Self-awareness—understanding how my unique brain works—has been more helpful than medicine over time - Jacqueline "Jax" Crider
Use the woop method to protect financial consistency
The WOOP method is an evidence-based way to make goals stick because it includes the hard part: obstacles. I write it like this: Wish (raise my savings rate), Outcome (feel safe and steady), Obstacle (Target runs when I’m low), Plan (“If I want to browse, I transfer first and wait 24 hours”). Then I make the goal visible—on a sticky note, a phone reminder, and a monthly money date on my calendar.
Automate habit: the $50 “future me” transfer
Here’s Wild Card #1. Imagine your money five years from now if you swap three Target runs a month for a $50 automated transfer. That’s $600/year saved (excluding interest), and it quietly lifts your savings rate without requiring daily willpower. I like automation because my mood can change, but the transfer doesn’t.
Wild Card #2: a quick family talk that sets a legacy
If you live with a partner or have family you influence, try this short script: “I want our spending to match our values. What do we want our money to say about us? What’s one thing we want to fund this year, and one thing we’re willing to pause?” That framing exercise creates accountability and makes the “why” louder than the impulse.
My next step is small: one visible goal, one automated habit, one honest conversation. Not perfect—just consistent.
